Good Bi Valentine
by Giselle Renarde
eBook ISBN: 9781609826017
Spend Valentine’s Day with Lexi the Sexi Superintendent and her apartment building full of very naughty tenants.
“A package came while you were out,” I told Dwight.
He dropped his keys into the little ceramic bowl by the front door and pulled his ear buds out by the white cords. “Were you talking?”
“Yeah,” I said. “A package came. I signed for it.”
Dwight’s big brown eyes lit up like sparklers on a six-year-old’s birthday cake. He tossed his precious music player into the bowl and tore out of his snow-drenched jacket. “A package? Oh boy! Where is it?”
That boy was too cute for words, like a kid who’d waited weeks for the X-ray vision glasses he’d ordered off the back of a comic book.
I pointed to the bubble envelope. “It’s on the table.”
“Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!” He grabbed the packet and skipped into the bathroom, where I was busy fixing the faucet. “It’s the DVDs I ordered! The website said they’d come with a mystery gift. I’ve been dying all week, waiting to find out what it was.”
When I looked up at his dark, kinky hair and his teddy bear face, my heart pounded. We weren’t a couple or anything, but when Valentine’s Day rolled around it was hard not to wonder if I’d be happier in a conventional relationship.
“Well, go on and open it,” I said. “The suspense is killing me.”
Like he needed any more encouragement! Dwight’s excitement was contagious. He moved my toolbox off the side of the tub and sat down. Tearing the envelope open, he dumped its contents onto the closed lid of the toilet. Out fell three DVDs and the mystery gift: purple plastic anal beads and some sample packs of lube. Dwight looked down at the beads with a combination of apprehension and curiosity.
“Uh, Lexi?” He blushed as he asked, “What are these for, exactly?”
“They’re anal beads.” I waggled my eyebrows. If I was going to act like a flirt, I might as well be obvious about it. “What do you think they’re for? They pop right into your cute little ass.”
Dwight was definitely blushing now. “Maybe they could pop right into your cute little ass instead. Just looking at these damn things is making me nervous.”
“Why does anal play make guys so uneasy?”
I, being a fierce warrior-woman, had absolutely no trepidations about shoving junk up my ass. Or letting someone else do it for me. So I took Dwight up on the offer.
Gazing at the covers of his new DVDs, I asked, “Which movie should we watch? How about Poolside Orgy 8?” Wet chicks licking each other’s naked bodies looked pretty hot to me.
An incredulous grin crossed his lips as he realized I was totally serious. We’d fooled around before, but never in front of the TV.
“What?” I said with a spicy tease in my voice. “I love lesbian porn. Girls are way hotter than guys.”
“Yeah.” The hunch of his shoulders struck me as apologetic. “I mean, it doesn’t look particularly artful.”
“No,” I agreed. “But when women start out in bathing suits this skimpy, you know they’re going to have some fun.”
Without giving him time to think, I stole the DVD out of his hand and darted to the living room. Before he could answer me back, I tore the case out of its plastic wrap and crammed the DVD into the player. Dwight came to his senses and then came a-running, leaving a trail of clothing behind him. By the time he made it to the couch, he was nothing but dark-chocolate flesh. I’d always admired his youthful exuberance.
“It looks like you beat our babes in bikinis to the chase,” I teased as he reclined at the far end of the sofa.
I hated to admit it, but I didn’t know how to turn on his TV. Christ, the boy had forty remotes! How was I supposed to know which was which?
“Don’t worry about it.” He leaned across the coffee table to grab one.
I felt like a bit of an idiot. After all, it was my job to know how stuff worked. As Dwight geared up the electronics, I should have been fixing his faucet. Whatever. It was Valentine’s Day. I deserved a little treat.
With porn-star pouty lips, I said, “I’m feeling overdressed.”
Dwight gave me a smooth once-over. “Well, there’s only one way to fix that problem.” All he needed was a bad moustache and he’d have made a superb porn stud.
The DVD hadn’t even started yet, and I was already raring to go! Tearing off my tank top, I tossed it over my head. I unzipped my cargo pants and slipped them down to the ground. Dwight’s eyes glazed over as he watched me remove my mismatched undies—a light blue cotton bra and navy blue striped boy shorts.
Damn, one look from that boy and I was tingling all over! The incredulous, even grateful expression on his face overwhelmed me. Excitement pounced through my body as I gave him a wink. It felt awesome to be the horny, porn-loving fix-it girl. The boy next door types never could believe their luck, getting to jerk off side-by-side with little ‘ol me.
As Dwight pressed play, I spread myself out like a Christmas goose at the end of the sofa. That way, he and I could monitor each other’s arousal as we watched the DVD.
I had to laugh when it started. The damn thing had the colour quality of a home video and the title looked like it was handwritten on a transparency sheet and set in front of the camera lens.
The opening scene involved three surgically enhanced women lounging poolside. A blonde, a brunette, and a sultry redhead. How imaginative. Their six gigantic tits threatened to pop out of three of the most ridiculous bathing suits I’d ever seen. Two were fluorescent colours, and one zebra print.
“Hi, this is the 80’s calling. We want those bathing suits back,” I joked, talking into my pinky finger like it was a phone receiver. “Christ, when was this movie made?”
“Yeah,” Dwight chuckled. He obviously wasn’t listening to me. His eyes were fixed on the screen and his cock was starting to take notice too. Now that’s a turn-on! His dark rod hopped and surged, just waiting to get noticed.
“Hey Dwight, your little friend is asking for attention. Come on, I want to see you play with yourself. Don’t be shy!”
When I nudged his thigh with my naked toes, Dwight smiled demurely. His skin was so soft. I couldn’t get over it.
“I will if you will,” he said. The dimple in his smiling cheek was hotter than anything a porn DVD had to offer.
“Sounds like a plan.”
He shook his head, chuckling, like he couldn’t believe he was doing this. Encircling the ridge of his pinky-brown cockhead with his thumb and forefinger, he squeezed gently, repeatedly, and his cock began to grow like Jack’s beanstalk.
“There’s nothing hotter than watching a guy jerk off.” I sighed.
“Oh yeah?” Dwight nodded toward the TV screen.
At the poolside orgy, the blonde bombshell removed the brunette’s bikini top, revealing her extra-large tits to the redhead. Sometimes I feel guilty for being titillated by bad porn. Fake breasts, fake orgasms, fake nails, fake everything! Why would fake turn me on? But, I’ve got to admit, as I watched that bleach-blonde run her acrylic nails across the brunette’s big boobs, my pussy pulsed with anticipation.
As the blonde tweaked the brunette’s nipples, I imagined those diamond-studded nails pinching my rosy buds. When the blonde ran her velvety pink tongue along the underside of her friend’s tits, I was so jealous I stuck out my tongue, trying to reach my own nipples. Either my breasts were too small or my tongue was too short, because I couldn’t do it.
Dwight caught a glimpse of me and laughed like a hyena. That’s when his cock grabbed my attention away from the TV. He’d gone from casually teasing his prick to rubbing it with his entire hand, down the full length of his shaft and then back up again.
Down, then back up.
Down, then up.
When he arrived at the tip, he rubbed it faster—1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 times—and then slowly crept back down to the curly-haired base. Man, I was licking my chops at the sight of that hard slab of meat.
But back on screen, the blonde had moved on to explore other realms of the brunette’s naked body. The camera focused in on a pair of gleaming, engorged pussy lips as long fingers ending in diamond-studded nails padded the elusive clit. When the camera panned out again, the third woman, a redhead with big curly hair, was standing behind the brunette. She’d taken over squeezing those hard pink nips while the blonde gave generous lip service between a set of olive thighs.
When I sent my fingers down to my own pussy, I discovered that the combination of porn on TV and a hard cock beside me had really started my juices flowing. Moistening my clit, I ran my index and middle fingers down either side of my swollen pussy lips. It felt so damn good my pelvis hopped at the sensation. Those first few tentative touches were always heaven in thigh-high boots. Sure, I knew how to get myself off, but doing it in front of a buddy from the building made me feel like a total nympho, and I loved every second of it.
Rubbing my clit in time with the cheesy bow-chicka-waw-waw porn music, I imagined the blonde on TV licking me just like she was licking the brunette in the movie, taking big laps of pussy-juice.
That’s when Dwight gave me a bit of a surprise. He grabbed my foot and thrust my toes into his mouth, sucking relentlessly. A crazy-good feeling struck my whole body through like lightning. The sensation was so intense I could only stand it for a few seconds. I had to pull my wet little toes out of his mouth before I died of pleasure.
“What does that feel like?” he asked me, rubbing his cock at a faster pace.
I hoped Dwight’s feet were clean.
“Like this,” I said, taking his toes in my mouth. They tasted kind of salty. A little like a cock, even. Sticking my tongue playfully between them, I sucked each toe in turn so he could experience the wild gratification I’d just delighted in. Dwight writhed on the couch. He giggled and shrieked and snorted with pleasure.
“Stop!” he cried. “Oh, you have to stop! I might lose control and kick you if you don’t.”
Stop or I’ll kick you? Well, I couldn’t argue with that. I let his wet toes fall from my mouth and trail sparkling saliva down my chest.
“So what does it feel like?” I asked Dwight, as if I didn’t know.
“Like sticking my toes inside a wet pussy, except the pussy has a tongue.” He looked so blissful. “It’s unbearable, it’s such a good feeling.”
“I wish my pussy had a tongue.” I ran my hand up his smooth thigh. “How cool would that be? I could lick my own clit!”
Without notice, I grabbed Dwight’s balls and gave them a squeeze. He gasped as I hovered over his naked form. I loved that I could elicit such a huge response. It made me feel like I’d really earned the title of Sexi Lexi.
Massaging my clit with one hand, I fondled Dwight’s fuzzy balls with the other. As he rubbed his cock, he slipped a thick finger into my juicy cunt. Man, I could hardly breathe there for a second! I didn’t realize just how badly I needed something inside my pussy.
“This is so much better than jerking off alone,” Dwight said as he made a come hither motion inside me.
“Yes Virginia, there is a G-spot.” My insides warmed like hot coffee and Dwight was a steel rod before me. If we’d been on the subway, I could have held onto his cock to keep from falling. That crazy-big meat was getting me so horny I wanted to be fucked in every hole.
“Hey, Dwight,” I said. “If I turn around, can you try out the anal beads on me?”
His initial reaction said it all: he scrunched up his nose like the idea was a turn-off. I saw it, but I didn’t give a damn. I just waited for the right answer.
“Okay,” he said cautiously. “But I left them in the bathroom.”
He probably forgot them on purpose. He was probably afraid I would unleash the beads on his tight black ass. What a doll! But I really wanted some anal action, so I leaped over the back of the couch, ran to the bathroom, and was back with the beads in five seconds flat.
Straddling Dwight backwards, I took a firm grip on his dark meat. He let out a deep moan. Was that cock ever built solid! Man, the penis was a wonderful invention: hard on the inside, soft on the outside. Best thing since sliced bread.
As I leaned toward Dwight’s feet, I reminded the super-stud to lube up those beads. He rubbed some of the slippery stuff into my hole, and I couldn’t help but giggle at the cold gel.
On TV, the poolside orgy had turned into dildo-fest 1987. The brunette inserted a big pink vibrator into the redhead’s pussy from behind as the blonde dove at her luscious tits. All three of them were into the “Oh yeah, baby, that’s so good” dialogue. As I rubbed my clit for the lesbian trio, I felt a slick movement into my ass.
“The first three beads went in all at once,” Dwight informed me, like he was reading blood test results.
“That’s okay.” I twisted to catch sight of his delicious smirk. “They were small. Keep going.”
The next bead went in almost on its own. The sensation of widening, expanding me, was there, then gone. The one after that entered me more slowly as a sphere. I could feel my ass ring open up and then close around it. A sense of fullness and warmth took over my ass.
“Keep going,” I told Dwight.
The next bead was a little more resistive, but it went in and my body felt very full indeed—after all, there were six plastic beads stuck up my ass and two fingers in my pussy. “Man, that’s good!”
“You sound like them,” Dwight laughed, pointing his head toward the TV as he petted my G-spot. “There’s one more bead to go. It’s pretty big.”
“Go for it.” I squeezed my nipples one by one while Dwight put pressure on the final bead. It was so big, and there were already so many up my ass, I didn’t think it would go in. When I felt my hole open up for it, I just about exploded. As I pushed down against the hot tension, my mind buzzed. My core whirled with endorphins. I screamed louder than the women on TV, which was pretty incredible considering what they were up to.
Onscreen, the blonde sat poolside with her legs kicking the turquoise water. Her massive tan-lined tits soaked in the summer sun. The brunette swam up close, her hair dripping wet as she approached her friend’s open legs. Her skin sparkled with beads of pool water as she licked her lips, and then licked the blonde’s. Ploughing her face into her friend’s shaved pussy, she lapped with fervour. Her mouth made all kinds of slurping noises as she sucked at the blonde’s clit, pausing only to flick it with her tongue.
That’s when the redhead came along.
Inching behind Dwight on the couch, my ass still stuffed with plastic beads, I pumped his straining cock in the stranglehold of my fist. His naked body baked my front as I brushed my aroused nipples across his back. When I pressed my naked breasts flat against him, he moaned. So did I. His back was hot and smooth and perfect. His meat was huge, bursting out of my hand as I pumped it. I watched the movie over his shoulder.
“I’m feeling so lost and forgotten,” the redhead pouted, standing over the blonde.
The long shot from across the pool was the only part of the movie I’d classify as “stunning.” In the foreground, turquoise water sparkled in the sunlight. Further on, the blonde sat under the arch of the redhead’s long legs while the brunette carried on in the pool.
A close-up focused on the blonde’s face as she stuck her tongue into Red’s hairless slit. She drew from it a gossamer strand of pussy nectar delicate as a spider web. The redhead held her lower lips open with perfectly manicured fingernails. Her lover let loose, licking her cunt with a passion that looked almost real. How could any woman get her pussy eaten by a gorgeous girl and not come for real?
When Dwight started thrusting his hips toward the TV, I doused my fist with lube. I wanted it to feel like the tightest, wettest pussy he’d ever fucked. He gritted his teeth. I could see his jaw’s rhythmic compression. A vein throbbed in his forehead as he thrust into my hand. Pumping his cock as fast as I could, I licked his shoulder, then his ear, until he released a tortured groan.
Hot cum shot across the living room floor. The sight was spectacular.
Another stream followed the first, a thick white strand of jizz. Dwight wheezed and moaned, falling backwards, me against the cushion of the couch and he against the cushion of my breasts. With my lubed-up hand, I traced a path across Dwight’s smooth chest. He struggled to catch his breath.
There we rested, panting and exhausted, his body leaning back against mine, and I kept thinking how nice it was to get off with a guy without things getting awkward afterwards. None of the gooey romance stuff. That’s not what we were about. Hell, we’d never even kissed and I had no intention of changing a successful pattern just because it happened to be February fourteenth. Saint Valentine could suck it. Dwight and I were just sex. Purely physical.
I still had a row of beads inside my ass. They weren’t uncomfortable or anything, but I figured it was time for those purple plastic bad boys to come out. Squirming from behind Dwight, I propped my ass up doggy style on the couch.
“Do me a favour?” I wagged the end of the plastic cord like it was a tail. “Woof!”
“Down girl!” Dwight laughed. “What’s next? Are you going to sniff my crotch and lick my face? Or lick my crotch and sniff my face?”
“Yeah, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
I felt a slithery sensation as Dwight cupped my ass cheek with one hand and slowly extracted the beads with the other. Just as I turned to reach for them, my walkie-talkie beeped. “Lexi, Mrs. Suraj is having some drainage problems. Could you get over to unit 3C and take care of it?”
In all the porn-filled fun, I’d nearly forgotten I was still on duty. I left Dwight to switch off the DVD while I ran to retrieve my walkie-talkie from the bathroom. “I’m on it,” I responded before making my way back to the living room. “Gotta go,” I told Dwight as I assembled my clothes. “Duty calls.”
“So I hear.” He went to his bedroom to throw on some comfy clothes, and emerged in a pair of trendy track pants and a retro T-shirt.
As I slipped on my cargo pants, I remembered something I’d brought along. I slid my hand into one of the pockets and fished out the small paper card I’d shoved in there. With Dwight’s appreciation of all things retro, I figured he’d get a kick out of it. I found it at my mother’s house when I was helping her clean out the basement. It was one of those old-school Valentines we gave out back in second grade. There was a picture of a big blue beluga and the text said, “Have a whale of a Valentine’s Day.” I meant to stick it to his fridge when he was out so he’d come home and laugh his ass off.
It was totally a joke.
If I handed it to him now, he might read too much into it.
As I stared like an idiot at the stupid whale card, Dwight stepped into the bathroom to wash his hands. “Hey, Lexi,” he said as he let the water run. “You may be a sexy Super, but I have to question your plumbing skills. Seems to me you’ve been trying to fix my faucet for a month now.”
Ex-squeeze me? Baking powder? Nobody but nobody questions the maintenance and home-repair abilities of Lexi the Sexi Super!
“That’s only because every time I come over here, I get so distracted I can’t finish the job.” I jammed the card in my pocket. Topless, I picked up my wrench, twisted the aerator off the faucet, smacked the sediment out of it, and then screwed it back on. “There you go. Good as new.”
I dressed quickly and threw the wrench back into my toolbox as Dwight retreated again to the bedroom. It bugged the shit out of me that he questioned my plumbing abilities. I was good at my job. Damn good! How dare he criticize? He knew very well I held off fixing his faucet as an excuse to stop by during work hours.
“Run that washcloth over your arm,” he instructed, stepping back into the bathroom.
“Do what now?”
Smiling, he shook his head. “Here, I’ll do it for you.” He picked up the wet facecloth from the sink and slid it down my shoulder.
I shuddered at the cold water and pulled away. “What the fuck, man?”
“Trust me,” he said, holding tight to my arm. “This is going to be great.” All in one motion, he pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket, stuck it against my arm, and pressed the facecloth against it.
“Oh,” I said as it occurred to me what he was doing. All was forgiven. “Now we wait?”
“Now we wait,” he said with a quirky smile on his lips.
“While we wait,” I said, slipping the Valentine from my pocket. “Here. This is for you.” His face seemed to drop as he read it: Have a whale of a Valentine’s Day! I panicked and stammered, “I didn’t sign it or anything. I found it in my mom’s basement and I was like, ‘Oh wow, Dwight would love this.’”
“I do,” he said. The smile reappeared. “It’s so retro. I was going to ask where you got it.”
“Mom’s basement,” I repeated, looking down at the rust spot in Dwight’s sink. I felt like I was in the second grade all over again. Funny how awkward moments never get any less awkward over the years.
After a moment of electric silence, Dwight said, “Time’s up!” Removing the facecloth from my arm, he pulled the paper away to reveal a perfectly applied temp tattoo.
“No way,” I cried, giddy at the sight of it. “It’s the Bat Signal!”
“I thought you’d appreciate that,” he said. “I was down in Kensington last week and Courage had them three for a dollar.”
The low monetary cost of my gift couldn’t possibly devalue it. Hell, the card I gave him was free.
“Thanks,” I said.
“Hey, we dateless wonders have to stick together on Valentine’s, show the world you don’t need to be married or have a girlfriend or be in love with somebody to make it a good day.”
I searched my soul before letting myself smile. Luckily it didn’t take too long, because I had to get over to Apartment 3C before my shift ended. Looking Dwight in his big brown eyes, I said, “I love you, man.”
“I love you too, Lex.”
Even though I was pretty sure he got my vibe, I clarified, “As a friend.”
He nodded, still smiling. I could always tell when Dwight meant what he said. It came from the heart when he replied, “I feel you, girl.”
Yes, it was terribly cheesy, but I answered, “You can feel me anytime you like.”
He laughed as I picked up my toolbox and headed to the door, blowing my tattoo dry.
“Looks like you’ve got a burnt-out light bulb in the front hall here,” I teased. Any excuse to play on the company’s dime. “Why don’t I swing by tomorrow and replace it for you?”
“Cool,” my fellow conspirator said, nodding his adorable head.
“Cool,” I agreed, grinning sheepishly as I stepped out of apartment 4D.